so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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