So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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