I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
