lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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