Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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