You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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