He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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