everyone is single if you try hard enough
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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