If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
