Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
