So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
