Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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