Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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