you guys were way drunker than both of me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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