My friends, they love my intelligence
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
