I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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