taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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