Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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