life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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