I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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