i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
