I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize