We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
