no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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