Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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