I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
