i'm lost and i look like a hooker
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
