She is in my trunk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
