I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
