How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The uberlube is also flammable
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
