He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
