shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
