Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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