if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
