I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
