Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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