running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
