i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
