Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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