This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize