and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize