Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
True strength comes from lack of pants
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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