His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
