The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
