bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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