what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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