Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
