You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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