i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
