Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
