I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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