I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
