I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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