Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
