i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love you.
Bad choice
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