I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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