And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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