He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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