Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
