i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
