apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
