I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
