; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
