sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hippo gnu deer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize