can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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