you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
