he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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