The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
